I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
