And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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