how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Randomize
