I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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