girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
