brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have aggressive nipples.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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