Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
