honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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