i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
