I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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