Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
