she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
