cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dignity is for republicans.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
