The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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