I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So many bounce houses so little time
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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