We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
