you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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