I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
