can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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