I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
