she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
