the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
