I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
