yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
