Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
