We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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