no, he came in my armpit
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
