i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
