Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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