i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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