i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
