If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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