i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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