at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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