I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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