Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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