I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
