Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
this beer tastes like vomit already
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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