the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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