Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
