my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
