Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
