If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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