how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
