Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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