Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
