just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
