Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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