Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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