After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
