youre lurking in front of me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
