And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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