you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Someone came in the potted fern
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
