i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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