It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
