Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
